I hardly ever air my personal business on my blog, but today I felt the need to speak on something that recently happened to me. Many who know me personally are aware that I’m a giving, compassionate person. When I consider you a friend, I love you like family and I treat you as such. Well, I found out that somebody I considered a friend didn’t think the same way about me.
And here goes my story. I’m going to use pseudonyms to protect the names of those involved.
My former beautician, Rebecca has been doing my hair for a little over two years. I immediately clicked with her because she was a fun chick, like moi. *grin* Soon, we started to hang out, go to the movies, and go out for dinner and drinks. Things were good because I’d finally found a trustworthy girlfriend in Georgia to spend time with. As a plus, she did my hair well. I’ve always had more male friends than female friends, which didn’t sit well with my hubby, so I made moves to change that.
When I had my appointments, I brought her coffee, cupcakes, and full breakfasts sometimes. Some of my friends thought it was a bit much since I paid her full price to do my hair, but she was important to me and that was my way of showing her.
Anywho, during that time, my hair started losing its luster. Sure, on the day she did my hair it looked great, but 2 days later it looked horrible and felt like straw. She would do my hair every 2 weeks; I started to think maybe I should see her every week. I’ve always had long hair, and didn’t really have a shedding problem, but all of a sudden my hair started to shed, badly. I called my cousin, who did my hair when I lived in Florida and she suggested a certain product Rebecca should use on my hair. Rebecca didn’t want to use that certain product because of cost but found something just as good, in her opinion.
One day, she forgot to wash my hair after relaxing it. She rinsed the relaxer out, but didn’t wash it with shampoo. Instead, she just put conditioner in it. Her head wasn’t in the game that day; she had personal things going on that screwed with her focus. Half way through rolling my hair, I asked her if she washed my hair because it didn’t smell how it usually does. She went into a scrambling frenzy. She had to pull the rollers out wash my hair with this special stuff that was supposed to save it after it’s been relaxed too long.
That was my first clue to change beauticians, but I liked her a lot and she made a human error. We’re not perfect; we all make mistakes. Besides that, she was my friend. I had faith Rebecca would fix the problem because my business was important to her.
Well long story short, my hair gradually continued to get worse. My ends were horrifically split and dry. No matter how much moisturizer I put in it, it did not look good. On top of that, it was losing its length. I brought it to Rebecca’s attention. She simply changed my hairstyle to mask the length lost, but she didn’t make any attempts to fix the bigger problem.
What made it worse is my hubby started to notice. This is a man who loved to run his fingers through my hair, so it was important for it to be luxurious and soft. Hey, don’t look at me like that; I know I’m not the only woman who has a man at home who likes to lose his hands in her hair. *grin*
He told me to find another beautician. He was very adamant about it. I told him I wanted to give Rebecca another chance because she’s my friend and I know she needed the money. Yeah, I know that was stupid, but I tried to keep faith she would get better at her craft.
Weeks after that, Rebecca’s mother fell gravely ill and she had to leave town to go be with her.
Instead of looking for another beautician, I turned to the owner of the shop to do my hair, Trisha. Of course, I asked Rebecca if it was okay, and she was cool with it. Trisha and I had always gotten along, so making the transition to her was fairly easy. Trisha was a bit older than Rebecca and had a whole different process in how she did hair. She was old school, and apparently, that’s what my hair needed.
OMG, the difference…!
It was like she’d washed my hair in angel tears. In no time, it was bouncy, shiny and luxurious again. I went to her every 2 weeks. Even after working out 3 times a week, my hair still looked and felt great. AND she charged me half of what Rebecca charged. Crazy, right?
Come to find out Rebecca was overcharging me all that time, but I wasn’t mad about that, though I did feel a little hurt. But hey, she needed to make her ends the best way she knew how for all the mouths she had to feed at home, so I brushed it off my shoulder and didn’t worry about it.
I was Trisha’s client for a little over a month and already my hair was growing to its full length. My hubby and I were both really happy with my hair.
This left me with a dilemma.
My hubby wanted me to switch over to Trisha for obvious reasons. I wanted to switch over too, but not at the expense of my friendship with Rebecca, especially after I had just found out her mother passed away. In addition to that, Rebecca was preggers with her fifth child.
When Rebecca came back to work, I sat in her chair again and my hair responded almost immediately by shedding like crazy. I knew at that moment I would have to make the dreaded move. I spoke to Trisha first, since it was her shop and I didn’t want to cause ripples between her and Rebecca. Of course, she was cool with being my new beautician but she wanted to make sure I squared it away with Rebecca.
So, I called Rebecca and tried to meet her for dinner. Before I could finish asking her out, she said, “You’re leaving me for Trisha, aren’t you?” I was caught off guard, stunned. Apparently, she knew because I wasn’t the only one to make that move. I found that out later down the line.
I apologized and told her I wanted to do what’s best for my hair, but I don’t want to damage our friendship. She laughed it off and told me it was cool, and she understood. We stayed on the phone for an hour talking about her mother and her plans for her pregnancy. It was all good. Or so, I thought.
A week later, it was time for my appointment with Trisha. I walked into the shop and said hello to everyone like I always do. Everybody hailed me back; everyone except Rebecca. Uh-oh. I started to get that weird feeling in my belly.
I approached her and started chatting with her. In return, I got short replies and little to no eye contact. But the more I bothered her, the more she loosened up. Yay, I was getting my Rebecca back. Wrong. Every Saturday I went into the shop, and it was the same thing. No hello, short replies, no eye contact. This continued on for months. She even stopped taking my phone calls.
This hurt me like nobody’s business, but that didn’t stop me from trying. I just knew our friendship would overcome this.
Trisha had planned a baby shower for Rebecca at the shop. I bought all kinds of baby stuff, but I wasn’t able to make it to the shower because my boys were sick and my hubby had to work. Since she would be on maternity leave during my next visit, I had planned to bring the gifts to the shop anyway and Trisha would take them to her house. I wanted her to know regardless of what happened I still cared for her.
Trisha called me and informed me that Rebecca had the baby. I was so excited. Trisha sent me pictures via text, and told me Rebecca had more pics on FB. I jumped on FB anxious to see her pics. Lo and behold, I had been unfriended, and blocked as well. Blocked? Me? Wow.
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Because I decided to make Trisha my beautician, Rebecca no longer considered us friends. Ouch!
The bottom line is we weren’t friends to begin with, and I was too blind to see it. I give, give and give some more without expecting anything in return and that opens me up to situations like this. That either makes me an idiot or too compassionate for my own good.
This is a great lesson for me. It makes me appreciate the amazing people in my life who are my real friends. Believe me when I say I am blessed with plenty. Sometimes people come in your life for a season, but it’s up to you to take away the lesson they come with. I look at this way; I am a better person because of her. I will not change my ways. I will continue to love my friends unconditionally and give as much as I can. However, I will take the clear hints shown to me when someone I consider a friend doesn’t feel the same way about me.
Lesson learned. 😀
Thanks for reading. 😉
6 Replies to “When A Friend Is Not A Friend”
That is so sad, because she’s the one who is losing out on a really great friend.
I agree with Laurie. She is losing out on a good friend. Trust she will come looking for you when she needs something. Big Hugs.
Thanks for sharing. You did what you had to (and what was best for you) and your story resonated with me because I also tend to give and give and give in the same way.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. She took advantage of you from the beginning and was obviously doing the same to others. She is only suffering the result of her own actions, but selfish, self-centered people always punish those they’ve hurt rather than looking at themselves for answers. You are better off.
How very heartbreaking. You’re such a kind, compassionate, giving person. I’m sure your former “friend” will one day regret the way she treated you. I’m so glad you have a large group of true friends who know how friendship is supposed to work.
It’s very sad when someone is so self-absorbed that they take advantage of the kindness of another.